Where it all comes from

I usually have the subject that I'm going to write about in this blog planned out well before I begin writing. Today, though, I'm here at my step-son's track meet, utilizing some down time to write. But, about what? I know there are a whole lot of cool topics out there to tackle, but I'm not in a place to write about them.

Why? I think I'm feeling a little fatigue from the work.

This is, of course, not a complaint. I love the work that I do, and it's worth me feeling tired. It's just an interesting observation.

In my years of Reiki, I rarely feel a great amount of fatigue from doing healing work. After all, my work is to be a channel for Reiki energy, not to supply it myself. It's as I work more into different modalities, though, that I feel myself using energetic and mental "muscles" that I don't normally use. I'm beginning to feel the after "workout" slump.

It seems the shamanic work in particular can take it out of me. When using my rattle to reach a state of trance, the work I do in my trance and the emotions uncovered and experienced by both myself and the client can be tiring. I feel that way especially when I ride intense emotions with others. You know that exhausted feel after you've had a cathartic, ugly cry? Yeah, sometimes I feel that way after an intense session. Again, this is what I want. This is the work that I'm supposed to do. I've just had a full week of it.

It started with the rattle I began to make last week. I wasn't paying attention to the work as closely as I should have been. When imbuing something with power, it's best to draw that energy from something bigger than yourself. I was not. After I typed up the blog on the rattle, I noticed that I had dug into the well of my own energy without meaning to. Whoops. This can sometimes manifest in physical symptoms, as it did with me that evening. Nothing a little sleep couldn't fix, but it still messed up my plans for the day. 

Later this week, I decided to do some needed ancestor work. I rattled, and dug deep. I had some personal revelations and experiences that culminated in the message "Why the hell aren't you more focused on your work in helping people!" It made me face some of my insecurities and reasons why I hold back in this work. Not fun work, but important.

I catch my breath in time to do some work with clients, which led to a full day of rattling and journeying. It was good, but, wow, I'm feeling it today. 

I guess what I'm getting at is beware of the work of the healer. It's not always sunshine and roses. If it is, I suggest breaking through that. In the work that I do, it seems that the messier the session, the more healing it is. Part of finding healing is facing things that we don't want to face, and that can be exhausting. In the end, though, it's incredibly liberating.