Naming My Shadows

Hello. My name is Isaac, and putting myself out there as a mage scares the ever lovin’ shit out of me.

Perhaps you have been fooled by my creation of Green Mountain Mage, and the blog you are presently reading into thinking that I am comfortable wearing the hat of an herbalist and occultist. If so, that’s good. That means that I created the illusion that being out there and talking about the work I do is something of a second nature to me. Unfortunately, it’s not.

I think that anyone reading that has followed an unconventional path like mine can feel for me. It’s kind of scary to talk to others about this sort of work. Worries of what people think, and how they react when I bring up ceremony, magic work, or any other topic of esoteric nature is a heavy burden to bear. People either know little about it, fear the idea of it, or dismiss it as the work of the delusional or mad. For me, add not being straight into the mix, and the fear of someone muttering behind your back “there goes that fag who thinks he does magic” is a real thing.

This, of course, does not serve me.

Perhaps it did when the worry of being understood when trying to talk about esoteric work pushed me to study it the best I could. Perhaps it did when it pushed me to understand how to view both magic and science, and to develop a thinking process to grapple with both in a way that they would not necessarily contradict. Perhaps it did when I worked with different teachers, and decided what held true for me, who was full of shit, and how I work. Now, though, is the time to move past it.

The process of owning this work that I love, and being open about what I do has been a long one. Working through my own doubts, while maintaining a healthy skepticism has been a strange balancing act. It’s easy to fall to one side, losing sight of the other. When someone questions my work with spirits, or “energy” (chi, mana, whatever), it can be hard to gracefully explain myself. To face others doubts, one must first face their own. The only way I know to face these doubts is to do the work.

I can tell you that I do ceremonial work all I want. I can tell you my experiences. I can tell you my logic for thinking the way I do about the world. I can tell you what I’ve learned from others. That will only convince you so much, though. It is through experience (usually repetitive experience, to really hammer it in) that we gain belief in a world that a good group of Americans don’t believe in (or, in the case of the religious, don’t think they believe in it).

This is one of the reasons I love walking the path I do. The deeper I go, the more I can offer others in experience of a world bigger than the one that we see. Every sincere esotericist offering to work with others is widening the doorway a little more for American culture, and it’s fantastic! Meanwhile, every skeptic pushes us to be better, think more clearly, hypothesize about our experience more accurately, and keeps us on our game.

Fear and unreasonable doubt are the things we must face and overcome to become better in the work. These are the demons that hold us back from stepping into our power. Our fear can push us to become better, but there comes a time to leave it behind, for with it comes disadvantage and weakness. This blog entry is part of me exposing mine and leaving it behind me.

So, this is me stepping into the role of hedge mage and herbalist. I’m trying to work out some workshops that I can offer at the beginning of 2018, as well as other ways I can do this work for the public. Keep an eye out. I’ll be announcing them in the next few months. There are also new items headed to the shop. Furthermore, please remember that I am happy to do custom orders.

I’d like to take a moment to thank you all who forced me to step into my role this week. Sometimes, we all need a nudge to step out of our comfort zones and face our fears.

Stay warm. Keep doing the good work.

-The Green Mountain Mage.