Cutting The Ties That Bind
This has been an interesting week. Between Josh (aka “The Rune Goon”) doing a bunch of readings for people, and a handful of clients coming my way for healing work, we’ve been busy in the esoteric world. In fact, the joke that Josh and I had going that he lays down the hard truth and I do the work to help them deal with what they’ve learned seems less like a joke. A Rune Goon and Green Mountain Mage tag team? Seems like there might be something there.
I had the privilege to work with some amazing people these past few days. Interestingly, the work all seemed to have a common theme: unhealthy energetic connections. People in this line of work refer to these connections as cords, and that’s what I’d like to talk about today. We all energetically connect to others. That’s part of daily interaction. We talk about people opening up to us when they start really sharing where they are at, and that is exactly what is happening energetically. You’re opening up to another person’s vibes as you share yours. Opening isn’t an unhealthy thing. It’s super important to us as social mammals. We thrive on healthy energy exchange!
Energetic interactions can become unhealthy when there is an unfair exchange. We can unhealthily lean on someone. These people leave you feeling drained after every interaction. They talk about their problems without looking for a way to fix those problems. They just want your compassion and, usually unknowingly, your energy to replenish theirs. They leave the conversation feeling great, while the person they engaged feels wiped.
There is the other side to this coin. Unless a person is very good at taking your energy, they didn’t take it without some sort of consent on the giver's part. That’s usually someone with a big heart and with a knack for empathy. They feel the pain the other person is experiencing and, in an effort to help “fix” the person, they open up and give of themselves. Neo-shamanic practitioners talk about giving away pieces of your soul. I don’t know if you can give away your soul, but you can give away energy that you need for yourself. The thought that the person you are listening to needs it more than you is almost a subconscious thing. This is not true. It is also not helpful.
By the way, I used to be one of those people. I think that it’s an easy trap for people sensitive to the energetic exchange to fall into. In the end, though, it doesn’t do much to help the other person, and just leaves you unwhole and unwell.
Being in the role that I’m stepping into, it’s true that once a client steps into the room we are doing work in, it ceases to be about me. It’s all about the client and the spirits for the allotted time. My work is to open up my client so we can find what needs work. There is also an unequal energy exchange, though not unfair, as this is part of the process the client has signed up for. The difference is where the energy is coming from and the end point of the work. In Reiki work, we are taught to channel energy. That skill has been reinforced in my life with my ceremonial work. Tools, such as drums and rattles, also help me move energy without depleting myself. In fact, I often feel on top of the world after a session, as the energy nourishing my client is also nourishing me. Also, at the end of a session, I try to give my client homework. This is putting the ball back into their court, and reinforcing that we are our own healers. It is also part of cutting any energetic ties created in the session. I can ride the emotions with you, but at the end of the allotted time, they are yours and not mine.
Talking about energetic ties brings me back to the cords that I spoke of at the beginning of this blog. Sometimes, a strong, unbalanced relationship can form. When there is a repeated unbalanced interaction, it can create an energetic cord between people. This link feeds a person while draining another without the two being in the same room. A good energy healer can feel these cords on their clients, and sever them. Unfortunately, sometimes those cords are recreated the moment the client leaves the healer (why homework and post table work discussion is so important).
These cords, in rare cases, can also be consciously formed. There are people out there who are willing “energy vampires” and justify to themselves taking people’s vitality from them to use for their own purposes. You’ll know when you meet one of these people, and they’ve attached to you. You’ll feel drained and just weird, wondering why you feel like you’ve been hit by a truck. If a person is making you feel like that, it’s best to cease interaction best you can with that person, and have strong energetic boundaries when you do interact with that person. It might also be helpful to head over to a healer you trust, and talk to them about it.
These cords are also something that you can feel out and fix yourself, with a little bit of visualization. Do you remember the elemental cross I was talking about a few blogs ago? A simplified version changed to deal specifically with cords follows:
Stand and breathe. Still your monkey mind. See the sun (or the light of God, or whatever celestial source of good juju you work with) in your mind’s eye shining bright above you. See a light descend. Pull that light into your head. Pull it down to your solar plexus (or heart, if that feels right to you). Light pools at the chakra you’re working with as the beam of light continues down to the heart of the earth. Feel that pool of light at your solar plexus or heart strengthen and expand past your body. Any cords attached to you is severed from your body by the expanding light. Soon, that light has enveloped you, moving any bad juju away from you. See those cords detach from the other person (no need to even visualize who it is, they’re just some shadowy figure in the distance). Offer it to the light above or the earth, whichever feels best. Know that is will be recycled by whatever you just gave it to. The sphere of light you are in is moving about you, moving all unbalanced energy around and away from you.
The easiest way to deal with cords is to not let them form. It can feel good to be needed, and I think that is part of the reason these cords are formed. Helping people is a good thing, but helping them stand on their own two feet is even better. You cannot pour from an empty cup, so create safe boundaries for everyday interaction. If you are feeling drained by a situation constantly, there are boundaries that need to be set. You can listen, and even experience emotions with others. That’s part of the work. In the end, though, don’t own it.
Hope this helps a little bit. With Thanksgiving coming up, the next week is crazy for me. So, I will not be posting a blog next week. Next blog entry will be up December 1st!!
Have a great rest of November.
The Green Mountain Mage